Windrix Hall - 49

Fandom: The Outsiders
Pairing: Johnny/Sodapop
Genre: Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17 (overall)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to S.E. Hinton
Authors: Zayhad & M3535


Chapter 49 – “Please Don’t”

The second competition in the cross-country tournament took place last weekend of April. Both Pony and Johnny had been worried after last competition, but Soda had been careful (no doubt for their sakes) but still made good time. In fact, he had finished second overall, and Johnny and Pony had been very proud of him. Dallas had been sort of pleased. Pleased that Soda had made a lot of points for the team - not pleased that he had beaten himself individually. 

They had all just come back from the long drive home, and Sodapop and Ponyboy said good night to Johnny outside the school. Sodapop kissed Johnny goodnight and left. Johnny set off for his dorm, still thinking about the events of the day. He was so lost in thought that he nearly walked into someone. He looked up and saw six persons standing in front of him. 

"S-s-sorry," Johnny stuttered and tried to walk past them, but they blocked his way. He looked at them nervously and spotted Victor and Harry. He also recognized David and Bob.

"Well, look who we have here...." Harry drawled 

Johnny gulped and backed a little away from them but bumped into another person behind him. He didn't know that one. "W-what do you want?" Johnny said in a shaking voice.

"So..." said David. “Your pretty boyfriend did well today, I hear. No accidents this time."

"It's a dangerous sport, alright," said Bob. "I heard riding is actually the most dangerous sport in the country. Even more than motor sports. At least when you look at the number of deaths and serious injuries every year. We're talking head-injuries, broken backs, broken necks... I have an uncle whose horse fell on him. He's in a wheel chair now; his legs crushed completely."

"Yeah," said Harry. "And cross-country has got to be one of the most dangerous kind of horse sport there is."

"S-Soda is careful," Johnny said but felt ice-cold fear well up in him. Why where they talking about that? Were they planning to hurt Soda? "W-why are you saying that? Why do you care about what sport he does?"

"It would be such a shame should he fall and break his back or something. I hear that he wants to work with horses. Well, that would be hard from a wheelchair, don't you think?" Victor said and stepped up close to Johnny. "Can't do much from a wheelchair. His life would suck pretty much then, wouldn’t it? Sure, he would have you for company, but that’s a pretty poor consolation if you ask me."

"It could be worse, I suppose," mused Harry. "He could die."

"You see," said David. "We're some people who think you two have had enough fun on others' behalf. You've stepped on some toes, and now you gotta pay the price. So we decided that a suitable punishment is that you split up. Well, either that or doll-face has another accident."

Johnny's eyes went wide from shock. "Y-you can't ask us to do that! We haven’t' done nothing to you!"

"Yes, you have. You two have gotten us into trouble lots of times," Victor said, looking at him with eyes that could kill. “For instance, it’s your fault that I got benched for the rest of the season.”

"But, hey - it's your call," Bob said. "I mean, maybe you wanna take the risk of him not getting hurt. Like, for instance, his saddle breaks and he slams headfirst into a pillar?"

"P-please don't do this… Don't make me…" Johnny cried. "I... I'll tell someone about this! You can't make me break up with Soda!"

David stepped up close to Johnny, who took a step back, hitting the wall behind him. “You better keep your mouth shut about this, or something even worse is gonna happen. Your fiancé still gets hurt, and that annoying little brother of his – we will give him another bath. When Winston ain't around to save him."

Tears started to run down Johnny's face. "P-please don't…” he begged, but it was no use. He knew they would have no scruples going through with their threats, and Johnny was not going to take a chance and maybe end up destroying Soda’s lifelong dream of working with horses, just because Johnny wanted to stay with him. He couldn’t be that selfish. 

"So what’s it going to be, brat?" Bob said, stepping up beside David. 

"I'll break up…" said Johnny in a low voice as his head dropped. “I'll end it. Just… please don't hurt Soda... or Pony."

A malicious grin spread across David's face. The kid was buying it. Sandy was going to be thrilled.

"Good," he said. "And remember - don't tell on us. I don't care what excuse you make up, but make it a good one. If he finds out about this, you're all gonna be in big, big trouble."

They left Johnny standing, staring after them. Then he slid down the wall, his face carrying an expression of pure shock and despair.

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna say?

He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his forehead on his knees as he started to weep. His chest felt like something had been wrapped around it so tight that he could barely breathe. He was going to lose Soda. But if he didn't break up with him, so would Pony and Darry and all Soda’s friends.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Johnny didn't sleep at all that night and as he walked down the hallways the next morning, it was with slow, heavy footsteps. He felt numb. How could life be so cruel to let him feel this kind of love only to rip it away from him again so soon? He stopped dead in his tracks as he spotted Sodapop walking toward him with a big smile on his face. 

"Hey, baby," said Soda and leaned in for a kiss but Johnny moved his head away, leaving Soda a little puzzled. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Johnny stood there with his head bent. He couldn’t look at him. He couldn’t look at him when he took his heart and broke it in two. 

"I... I can't see you no more...” he said and shut his eyes. 

"What?" said Sodapop, sure he must have heard wrong. 

Johnny's breath was shaky as he repeated himself. "I can't see you no more. I... This ain't working for me... I don't wanna be with you no more."

The whole time he kept his head down, afraid that if he saw Soda's face, he would just jump into his arms and cry, telling him everything. 

"I don't understand?" Soda said. Johnny could hear how close he was to crying. "I... Is it because of the bullying? ‘Cause we can do something about that. Make them give you another dorm, or let you live with us, or… whatever it takes."

Johnny took a deep breath and tried to hold back his tears. He had to make Soda understand he was serious.

"Can't you just understand I don't want you no more?” he said in a harsh tone, looking up at him for the first time. “You’re suffocating me in this relationship! I can't breathe! You’re all over me all the time and have all those plans for us. I can't stand it, okay? Now just leave me alone and stay away from me!"

Johnny turned around and hurried down the hall, not looking back. He needed to get away from Soda. He couldn't stay there watching how much he had hurt him.

Soda stood there, frozen to the spot, for what seemed like ages. He just couldn't wrap his head around what Johnny had just said and done. This was coming completely out of the blue. Not in a million years could he have imagined this happening. Finally, he broke out of his paralysis and slowly and mechanically started walking back to the apartment. He had put down his bag on the floor when talking to Johnny, and it was left sitting there. 

o0o0o0o0o0o

The second the door closed behind Johnny, he slid down the wall next to it, curling up, trying to get as small as he could. His insides ached. He had no idea something could hurt so bad. He had broken Soda’s heart. And his own.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Steve walked down the hallway toward his next class. His eyes fell upon a bag by the wall, and when getting closer he recognized it as Soda's. 

"Pfff... If his head weren’t attached to his neck he would forget that too," he grinned and swung it over his shoulder. 

But Sodapop wasn't in the History classroom. Steve whipped out his phone and called him. The phone rang eight times and Steve was just about to give up when someone finally picked up. 

"Hey, buddy, where the hell are you?" Steve asked. Then he heard sobbing at the other end. "Soda? Are you… are you okay, man?"

Soda wanted to say something, but he couldn't get a word out. His throat felt thick and blocked. So he hung up.

Steve stared at the phone and then raised his voice asking the other students if anyone had seen Soda. 

"Yeah, he left. I think he went home," said a girl. "He seemed upset."

Steve ran all the way to the apartment and as he reached the locked front door, he started banging on it.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Sodapop thought he heard someone hammering on the door, but he wasn't sure; he was so messed up in his head right now, everything was a blur. It didn't matter, though. He didn't want to see anyone, so he stuck his head under his pillow and pressed it down to block out the sounds, and hopefully the whole world. 

o0o0o0o0o0o

"Soda! Are you in there?" Steve yelled but got no answer.

He wasn't sure if he should go and find Darry. He had heard Sodapop sob at the other end of the line and now he wasn't opening the door so Steve started to fear that something very bad was going on. He stayed there for a while and then went back to the school. 

As he got back he bumped into Ponyboy and he figured maybe he could ask him where Johnny was so they could all go and see what was up with Soda. 

"What do you mean you haven’t seen him?" Steve asked when Pony said that Johnny hadn't shown up for class. "What the hell is going on?"

"Going on?" asked Ponyboy, confused about Steve's behavior. 

Steve told him about the phone call and that no one had opened the door.

Ponyboy felt fear grip him. What could have happened to make Sodapop act like that? And where was Johnny? Were they together? Had something horrible happened to one of them? He had to find them. First, he would look at home. He turned on his heel and ran down the hallway, Steve at his heels.

"No running inside!" yelled a prefect as they passed her. 

Pony didn't stop running till he reached the apartment door. While he was scrambling with the keys, Steve, who had fallen behind, caught up with him, out of breath. Ponyboy finally got the door open and they both went inside. There was no one in the living room but the door to Soda's room was closed. 

"Soda?"

Pony and Steve stopped in the doorway, seeing Soda lie on the bed with a pillow over his head. 

"Soda? What's going on?" asked Steve. He was surprised to see that Johnny was not there.

Ponyboy sat down next to Sodapop's head and put a gentle hand on his back. "Soda? Soda, what happened? Where's Johnny?" 

There was no answer so Pony took a hold of the pillow to lift it off his brother's head, but Soda tightened his grip on it and held on tight. 

Ponyboy looked up at Steve. "Hey... I know you're his best friend and you care a lot about him and stuff, but could you leave me alone with him? I think it would be best if it was just me here right now when he's so upset. I know how to deal with it. I ain't saying that he doesn't need you or anything." Steve looked the way he did when he told Pony that he was a stupid brat, so Pony continued, "I know him better than anyone else, so... could you please leave me alone with him for now? I promise I'll text you as soon as I know what happened."

"Yeah… okay. But you damned well better get it out of him and then text me right away!" Steve said and left the room. He knew Ponyboy had a point. It wasn't that Soda didn't care enough to talk to Steve, but if it was something very private, of course he would want to talk to family first. 

"Soda?" said Ponyboy and tried to pull the pillow away from Sodapop's head again. "Soda, please talk to me. You're scaring me."

Sodapop didn't speak but his grip on the pillow slackened, so Pony removed it. Soda still had his face pressed into the mattress, and Pony lay a hand on the back of his neck and let his fingers run comfortingly through his hair. He could feel from the tiny tremors that he was still crying.

"What's wrong? Where's Johnny?"

Finally Soda spoke. "G-gone. He's gone."

"What do you mean?" asked Ponyboy, feeling a chill run down his back. What do you mean, gone?"

Sodapop tried to speak again but started sobbing. He finally managed to say, "It's over. He dumped me."

Ponyboy couldn't believe what he was hearing. Johnny dump Soda? No way that was ever going to happen. Johnny worshipped his brother. Even a blind man could see how intensely he loved him. There was just no way.

"No, Soda. You must have misunderstood something. He didn't dump you. He wouldn't. Ever."

Sodapop sobbed for a few minutes and then got somewhat control over himself and slowly turned on his side to look at Ponyboy. His face was a complete mess: red, puffy eyes and a runny nose. Pony hadn't seen him look that bad since their parents had died.

"Yeah," said Soda, his voice shaky. "Yeah, he did. Said I was too clingy. Had too many plans. He felt pressured."

"No," gasped Pony. "T-there’s no way that's true, Soda. That ain't how he feels about you. He loves you!"

"I thought he was as serious as I am. I thought we were on the same page. That he loved being so close and committed. I thought...I thought he loved me as much as I love him."

Seeing his brother in agony like that made Pony lose it. He pulled Soda close and started sobbing into his neck. 

o0o0o0o0o0o

Johnny still sat on the floor when he heard the door to the dorm open. He didn't even bother to look up, and hearing a snicker he knew that it was Victor and Harry. 

"What's with the long face, Cade?" Harry said and dropped into his chair. 

"Did something happen?" Victor laughed and sat down on his bed. 

Johnny just got up and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him quietly. 

"And here I thought we were actually going to have to hurt your boyfriend,” yelled Victor. “Whoops - I mean ex-boyfriend."

Johnny sat down beside the toilet and hid his face against his knees as he started to cry again. He felt like he was dying and right now he almost wished he was. 

o0o0o0o0o0o
Steve - Johnny broke up. Soda says to leave him alone. Johnny, that is. 
Pony

"I ain't fucking buying that shit." Steve mumbled to himself and headed to his next class. After school he was going to figure out what the hell was going on.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Darry came home in the lunch break and was surprised to find both Pony and Soda home. He was about to yell at them for skipping school but when he saw how bad Soda looked, his angry expression turned to worry and he sat down on Soda’s bed. 

"What’s wrong?"

"I can’t believe it," he said incredulously when Ponyboy told him what had happened. "Don't worry about it right now, buddy, okay?” he said, putting an arm around Sodapop. “He’ll come around. Maybe he just had a bad day or something."

Darry could hear how stupid he sounded, but right now he couldn’t think of anything else to say to make his brother feel better.

Sodapop wanted to believe it. He desperately wanted to believe it. And somewhere inside himself he knew that there had to be more to this, that Johnny did love him with all his heart. There was no way in hell the best actor in the world could have faked those feelings. But what Johnny had said had just hit home. Soda had heard it before. That he was clingy and intense. He had already driven one boyfriend away like this. 

o0o0o0o0o0o

At school the next morning Darry spotted Johnny walking down the hallway at a slow pace. He looked just as miserable as Sodapop. He had dark rings under his eyes and the eyes were red as if he had been crying for days. He looked completely warn out. Darry wanted to talk to him but Johnny must have noticed him because he hurried into the classroom and Darry thought it might be a bad idea to just go in there and start to talk. Besides, one of the only things Soda had said was that he wanted them to leave Johnny alone.

o0o0o0o0o0o

A few days had passed and Sodapop was still just staying in bed. Darry looked in on him once in a while and asked if he wanted to come to school or have dinner, but Soda just rolled onto his side without answering. The last few days the house had been miserable. No one joked. No one laughed and they hardly spoke. Soda was like a zombie. Darry could understand him and he was going to let it slide for now. But soon Soda would have to snap out of it and return to school. 

Sodapop had tried calling Johnny many times, but had gotten no reply. It was about the only active thing he had done since the breakup. He had also sent numerous text messages, equally unanswered. 

Johnny, please don't do this! You're breaking my heart.
I don't know what to do without you.  
- Soda

*

I love you, and I know you love me. It was real what we had. IS real. How can you throw that away?
I just don't understand...

*

Johnny, please... 
We had such an amazing thing together. Please don't throw that away. Just give me another chance - I can change. I’ll stop being clingy. I'll stop making plans. I'll give you all the space you need. Anything you want.

*

Johnny, please answer the phone! Or at least text me.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Johnny couldn’t help reading the texts Soda sent him and every time he felt the phone vibrate his heart skipped a beat. He wasn't sure if he should delete them or keep them but had decided on keeping them for now. He had even typed in a reply a few times but ended up deleting them. He didn't want to write anything hurtful. He had hurt him enough. All he really wanted to write was that he loved him, and he couldn’t do that.

oOooOo

To be continued...